I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
