i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
