thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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