that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
