She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just googled if crying burns calories
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
