Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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