Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
