Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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