I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
