god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
