she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
