it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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