I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I believe in your delicious
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
