I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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