well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
