She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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