I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
