haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
