your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
