Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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