Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
