do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
