He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
