I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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