Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Four minutes until I can fart!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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