hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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