she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I didn't notice because vodka
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
