she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I want to fling myself into the sun
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i think im in europe. pls send help
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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