I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
