Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
