I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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