New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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