I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
worst night to have a conscience
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
