i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
