is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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