Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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