I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
