I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
