Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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