When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
