I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
