Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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