I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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