Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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