Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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