So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have fence marks all over my body
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
