Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
