They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
