Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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