My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
