I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
