Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
