To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
