I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
